never looking back..

got my other bitch fucking with my other bitch.

fucking sick to my stomach.

why… you always throw the fact that we aren’t together in my face. always. i miss the way things use to be. i might actually be missing the one person that i hurt the most. i don’t know who i’m missing, and i don’t know what i want. it sucks. OMG i just want to know. i want to know what is missing.. like which one? the person who fucked me over, or the person i fucked over. i hope it’s not the second one.. cause i could NEVER, ever have the guts to talk to you again. i text you when i’m drunk, that’s it. last night i deleted the number.. but i have it memorized so that does nothing. idk what is going on in my head. i wish i did so i could explain it to my best friends and they could help me. but no one knows me anymore. no one tries to help me. no one is there when i need them to be. so if i tried to explain how i felt to any of you i would have to start from the beginning… and confuse myself even more. it’s not worth it. but that takes me to my next point. it’s my fault as to why no one is there for me anymore. i never gave them the time of day when i was in highschool.. except during softball season. i regret spending all my time with a boy.. i really do. but.. i feel like i can be a good friend. but i haven’t been. idk what is worth it anymore. some days i feel like i’m not even alive, that this isn’t real life. i’m talking about bullshit now. either way i had to vent. i miss you. but idk who “you’ is.

+